Parenthood can sometimes feel like an emotional battlefield, especially when you find yourself toe-to-toe with two-and-a-half-feet of antagonistic toddler. With your determination weakened by the constant sound of NO NO NO, it’s tempting to give in just this one time for a moment of peace. But that path teaches your toddler that his unruly behavior ultimately brings success.
Take a page from the Ninja code and try these five sly methods to peace.
The Value Of Rules
Ninjas were secret agents who took the missions that the samurai were unwilling to do. Their primary rule was to complete the mission at all costs. Though parenthood should never follow that extreme, there is value in setting up rules and not wavering from them. A child who is defying your guidance is often doing so as a way of asserting his independence as well as seeking the limits of his world. If a defiant toddler is consistently and calmly disciplined according to clear rules, then he will eventually learn the futility of his behavior.
In this strategy, the clarity of the rules, the consistency of their implication, and the immediate use of loving discipline are vital.
The Value Of Silence
Thwarting a child’s will can often devolve into temper tantrums, strong words, or even physical manifestations like biting, hitting, or kicking. Time-outs help remove a child from the situation until he can regain control of his confusing emotions. Sometimes hugging him tightly can help ease his distress, and let him know he is still loved. Walking away is sometimes the best option. In order for a toddler or preschooler to understand the discipline you’ll be doling out, both parent and child should be calm. Only then can you impart successfully the lessons you hope to teach him about recognizing his strong emotions and modifying the inappropriate behavior that can spring from those overwhelming feelings.
The Value of Humility
In the grip of a frazzled day, you may find phrases like “I told you so!” or “See what happens when you don’t listen to mommy?” on the tip of your tongue, but a Ninja parent knows that humility is the kinder path. Sometimes toddlers learn lessons the hard way. Commiseration rather than criticism reveals to your child the value of compassion.
The Value Of Quick Action
A wise parent anticipates the triggers that set off her own particular child. Hunger and fatigue make many a preschooler irritable, so being prepared with snacks, blankets, or loveys can go a long way to dampening extreme behavior. If the dinner table is frequently a battlefield, offer your toddler two or three acceptable food choices ahead of time so that he feels empowered and you bypass the problem. If you’re approaching the grocery store check-out counter and remember how the sight of rows of candy bars can trigger unhealthy demands, turning your cart to the candy-free aisle can nip a confrontation in the bud.
The Value Of Standing Down
Ninjas know when to choose their battles. If giving in to a toddler’s demand won’t start an unhealthy habit, break any of the house rules, or go against common sense, then consider allowing it, or at least offering an acceptable alternative that will jive with his fundamental desire. If a child insists with ever-more-stubbornness on visiting Nana, but Nana is away visiting a cousin, suggesting a phone call via Skype or Facetime may be a way to defuse the situation in a loving way.
These Ninja methods are just a beginning. Check out this article for additional positive ways to discipline a defiant child.
