Tantrums aren’t enjoyable. But they become easier to manage when you understand them.
Very young children (one to two years old) may be trying to communicate something that they need and don’t have the language skills to do it. As for older children that are beginning to learn autonomy, tantrums help them assert their desires. In most cases, tantrums are centered around frustration over the lack of something—whether that “something” is reasonable or not.
Remember this: a tantrum isn’t a sign of a bad parent. They are simply a fact of life for parents with young children.
What NOT to Do
Different methods work for different parents and children, but here are a few things you can count on NOT to work:
- Yelling (raising your voice will only encourage your child to get louder)
- Spanking (or hitting of any kind)
- Bribing/begging
- Giving in (this lets your child know that the tantrum tactic works)
Handling Tantrums
Keep reading to learn four techniques that help soothe children’s tantrums and keep them in mind the next time your child has an especially emotional day.
1. Stay Calm
During a tantrum, it’s normal for your own temper to rise—but it’s important to remember that you’re the adult in the situation and you have control over your emotions. Your child does not.
If you stay cool and collected during a tantrum, you create a calm environment for your child. This could lower their heart rate and soothe their reaction to the stress that they’re perceiving. Talk in a quiet voice instead of yelling back, as this will de-escalate the situation.
If you do happen to raise your voice, don’t worry. Simply ask for a do-over. Say something like “I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you. I’m sorry. That’s not how I want to talk to you. Can we start over?” This models the behavior you eventually want to see coming from your child, and you’re showing them that everyone makes mistakes.
2. Don’t Give In
Many children use tantrums to get what they want. If you use rewards in order to get the tantrums to stop, children will soon learn that they can get what they want by throwing a fit.
Instead of giving in, reflect what they’re saying back to them and acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that you two can discuss the issue when they are feeling calmer, but you won’t be giving into what they’re asking for.
3. Use Distractions
Children’s attention spans aren’t as long as adults’, which means they’re easy to distract. If you can sense that a tantrum is coming, quickly divert your child’s attention toward something that will capture their brain and take them down a different path.
4. Find a Quiet Place
Finding a calm and quiet area can do wonders to help a child calm down. Once the issue they were fixated on physically leaves the foreground, they might soon forget about it and feel more in-control of their emotions. Or a child might use a different location in order to blow off steam, and once you’re there, you can calmly explain your position.
Understanding Children and Tantrums
As a Montessori school, Austin Children’s Academy takes pride in getting to know the whole child—and sometimes children have tantrums. While not usually pleasant, tantrums are possible to get through while remaining calm and acting as your child’s grounding force.
To learn more about our philosophies as a Montessori school, get in touch with us today!
