As educators, we have seen a variety of different parents. There are the helicopter parents, who hover overhead, leaving no breathing room for their children and there are the parents who are absent from their child’s life. Neither option is healthy for the development of the child. Rather, fostering an independent mindset and beginning to do so from a young age positively shapes the child.
Take a second to think about your own personal network. We’d be willing to bet that you can easily bucket your friends into those who are able to handle the challenges they face versus those who get a little more stressed under pressure. The first group, who are able to handle challenges, are also likely to be more confident, have higher self-esteem and in general are able to make better decisions. These are the kinds of adults that children grow into when given space and trust to do things on their own.
We’ve briefly talked about what kinds of adults independent children grow into, but let’s discuss the benefits as they are growing up. One of clearest benefits to independence is trial and error. When children experience things first-hand, without the bubble of their parents making decisions for them, they directly gain knowledge. Nothing is more powerful than experiencing failure for yourself. Someone can tell you not to do something and explain why not, but unless you actually do it and learn “the hard way” you don’t truly learn. Every mistake is a learning opportunity and children that are able to make mistakes ultimately think through situations the next time around.
Of course, this isn’t to say you should throw all parenting out the window but when the stakes are minimal and even if you know your child is choosing wrong, let them. That is responsible parenting because you are preparing them for real life, where not everything goes your way. The earlier they learn to handle failure and stress of childhood, the better equipped they’ll be later when unfortunately life isn’t always fair. The best thing you can do for them is to be available when they turn to you for advice or comfort.
For every failure your child experiences, there will also be at least one success. And oh how sweet it will be. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing you accomplished something on your own. As a result, this builds self-esteem and confidence, which is oh so important throughout the course of their lives. Ultimately, this leads to emotional maturity and overall happiness.
Our advice for you is to decide how you want to foster this independence and don’t falter! It doesn’t have to be major life decisions, you can start small. Ask them which cereal they prefer for breakfast or let them pick out their own outfit for school (no matter how mismatched they decide to go, resist the urge to fix them). For some tips on how to start incorporating this strategy into your family’s daily routine, check out this great article from Today’s Parent: https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/teaching-kids-to-be-more-independent/.
